Soprano Jokes and more

Three Tenor Jokes – Quartets, half-steps and eye twinkles

Basso — Tue, 10 May 2011 16:35:11 +0000

What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.

What’s the musical definition of a half-step?
Two tenors singing in unison.

How do you put a twinkle in a tenor’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.

A Bass Arrives in Heaven

Basso — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 17:11:29 +0000

A bass died and went to Heaven (where all basses go when they pass on). St. Peter greeted him at the gate and asked, “Sir, how many false notes did you sing in your life?”

The bass answered, “Three.”

“Three times!” said St. Peter.

Out came another angel and stuck the bass three times with a needle.

“Ow! What was that for?” asked the bass, while rubbing his arm.

St. Peter explained, “Here in heaven, we stick singers once for each false note they sang down on Earth.”

“Oh,” said the bass, and he was just about to step through the gates when suddenly he heard a horrible scream come from behind a closed door. “Oh my goodness, what was that?” asked the bass, horrified.

“Oh,” said St. Peter, “that’s a tenor who arrived a while ago. He’s just about to start his third week in the sewing machine.”

How can you tell when a tenor is really dumb?

Diva — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 16:59:54 +0000

When the other tenors notice.

Q: Dad, why do the tenors sway left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning?

Basso — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 16:49:40 +0000

Puts on her clothes and goes home.

What’s the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
The jewelry.

What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?

Basso — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 17:23:54 +0000

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

*oooh…bad! I know!*

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

Diva — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:37:52 +0000

The viola burns longer.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombone player’s arm?

Diva — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:35:32 +0000

A tattoo!

Why was the soprano standing outside in the rain?

Diva — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:32:22 +0000

Q: Why was the soprano standing outside in the rain?

A: Because couldn’t find her key and didn’t know when to come in!

Our first Soprano Jokes

Diva — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:31:44 +0000

Q: What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning?

A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.

Q: Why are soprano jokes all one-liners?

A: So tenors can understand them.

Q: What’s the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?

A: The lipstick.

Q: What’s the definition of an alto?

A: A soprano who can sightread.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.