Soprano Jokes and more

What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.

What’s the musical definition of a half-step?
Two tenors singing in unison.

How do you put a twinkle in a tenor’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.

A bass died and went to Heaven (where all basses go when they pass on). St. Peter greeted him at the gate and asked, “Sir, how many false notes did you sing in your life?”

The bass answered, “Three.”

“Three times!” said St. Peter.

Out came another angel and stuck the bass three times with a needle.

“Ow! What was that for?” asked the bass, while rubbing his arm.

St. Peter explained, “Here in heaven, we stick singers once for each false note they sang down on Earth.”

“Oh,” said the bass, and he was just about to step through the gates when suddenly he heard a horrible scream come from behind a closed door. “Oh my goodness, what was that?” asked the bass, horrified.

“Oh,” said St. Peter, “that’s a tenor who arrived a while ago. He’s just about to start his third week in the sewing machine.”

When the other tenors notice.

Q: Dad, why do the tenors sway left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

Puts on her clothes and goes home.

What’s the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
The jewelry.

Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

*oooh…bad! I know!*

The viola burns longer.

A tattoo!

Q: Why was the soprano standing outside in the rain?

A: Because couldn’t find her key and didn’t know when to come in!

Q: What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning?

A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.

Q: Why are soprano jokes all one-liners?

A: So tenors can understand them.

Q: What’s the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?

A: The lipstick.

Q: What’s the definition of an alto?

A: A soprano who can sightread.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.