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Johann’s Carriage 0


Why didn’t Johann Sebastian Bach drive a fancy carriage?

Because he was baroque!

Rock and Jazz Musicians jokes 0


Q: What’s the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?

A: A rock musician plays 3 chords for 1000 people and a jazz musician plays 1000 chords for 3 people.

“I was once told that if I practiced for thousands of hours playing jazz, then I could make hundreds of dollars every year!”

Q: What’s the difference between a Large Pizza and a Jazz musician?

A: A Large Pizza can feed a family of four.

About Accordions 0


What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an accordion player?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.

The worlds greatest banjo player and the worlds greatest accordion player meet for lunch. Who pays the tab ?
Neither, they don’t charge for the food at the soup kitchen.

What did the violin say? 0


What did the violin say to the harp?
“May I string along with you?”

What did the violin say to the violinist?
“Take a bow.”


Furnace repair tenors 0


Q: Why should you have a tenor repair your furnace?
A: Tenors know everything about hot air!

They call him Maestro 0


A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. “This one can sing Wagner’s entire Ring cycle. There’s another one in the back room for $30,000.” “Holy moly! What does that one do?” “Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him ‘Maestro’.”

Why are tenor’s brains so expensive? 0


A woman goes into a butcher shop to get something special for dinner. She spies something which looks interesting and asks the butcher how much it costs. “Well ma’am, those are the brains of a soprano, and they’re a $1.50 a pound.” “Oh, ok”, replies the woman. “What’s that?”, she asks, pointing. “Those are the brains of a bass, and they’re $3.00 a pound.” “Oh”, says the woman, “that looks great, what is it?” “Ma’am, those are the brains of a tenor, and they are $40.00 a pound.” “That’s outrageous!”, says the woman. “Why is it so much for those brains?” “Ma’am”, replies the patient butcher, “do you have any idea how many tenors it takes to make one pound of brains?”

Three Tenor Jokes – Quartets, half-steps and eye twinkles 0


What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.

What’s the musical definition of a half-step?
Two tenors singing in unison.

How do you put a twinkle in a tenor’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.

A Bass Arrives in Heaven 0


A bass died and went to Heaven (where all basses go when they pass on). St. Peter greeted him at the gate and asked, “Sir, how many false notes did you sing in your life?”

The bass answered, “Three.”

“Three times!” said St. Peter.

Out came another angel and stuck the bass three times with a needle.

“Ow! What was that for?” asked the bass, while rubbing his arm.

St. Peter explained, “Here in heaven, we stick singers once for each false note they sang down on Earth.”

“Oh,” said the bass, and he was just about to step through the gates when suddenly he heard a horrible scream come from behind a closed door. “Oh my goodness, what was that?” asked the bass, horrified.

“Oh,” said St. Peter, “that’s a tenor who arrived a while ago. He’s just about to start his third week in the sewing machine.”

How can you tell when a tenor is really dumb? 0


When the other tenors notice.

Q: Dad, why do the tenors sway left and right while performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

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