All posts by Diva

About Accordions

What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an accordion player?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.

The worlds greatest banjo player and the worlds greatest accordion player meet for lunch. Who pays the tab ?
Neither, they don’t charge for the food at the soup kitchen.

They call him Maestro

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. “This one can sing Wagner’s entire Ring cycle. There’s another one in the back room for $30,000.” “Holy moly! What does that one do?” “Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him ‘Maestro’.”

Why are tenor’s brains so expensive?

A woman goes into a butcher shop to get something special for dinner. She spies something which looks interesting and asks the butcher how much it costs. “Well ma’am, those are the brains of a soprano, and they’re a $1.50 a pound.” “Oh, ok”, replies the woman. “What’s that?”, she asks, pointing. “Those are the brains of a bass, and they’re $3.00 a pound.” “Oh”, says the woman, “that looks great, what is it?” “Ma’am, those are the brains of a tenor, and they are $40.00 a pound.” “That’s outrageous!”, says the woman. “Why is it so much for those brains?” “Ma’am”, replies the patient butcher, “do you have any idea how many tenors it takes to make one pound of brains?”

Our first Soprano Jokes

Q: What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning?

A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.

Q: Why are soprano jokes all one-liners?

A: So tenors can understand them.

Q: What?s the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?

A: The lipstick.

Q: What’s the definition of an alto?

A: A soprano who can sightread.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.